Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
