When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
