youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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