and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
