From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
