You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
