I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
