I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
