Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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