I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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