I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My vagina is officially offended.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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