Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
