Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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