I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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