I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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