It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
