she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
