12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
