But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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