Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
