people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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