oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
