So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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