Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
