You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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