Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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