we have pet lesbian snakes
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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