I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
