I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
