I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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