My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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