She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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