someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
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