I'm sorry my penis didn't work
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
