Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
