Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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