I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize