you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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