I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
