i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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