Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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