I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
