I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
