how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
