This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
