mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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