I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
