the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
