I have demons in me.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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