I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
