How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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