at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
