So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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