I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
