We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
