shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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