You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize