i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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