is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
