Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
