o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
