I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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