why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
