you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
either way he was missing a nipple.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
