I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just gift wrapped bread.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
