I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
