you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
