I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
