a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
