I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
