she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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