this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
