im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
