All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
