I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
