Sry I called you an 8
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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