he puts the penis in happiness.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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