It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
